no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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