I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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