im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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