so explain again why im purple
no
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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