I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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