I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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