I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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