Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
40s are totally the cure
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
