My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
