dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
