Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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