She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
