he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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