We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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