I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
BRING THE BAGELS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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