Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
