I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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