don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
