he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My penis needs a shock collar
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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