Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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