Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
