1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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