Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
