My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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