We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
