Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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