I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My dick has a subreddit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
