You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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