I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
