i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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