No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
