So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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