soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
