Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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