it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
