so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
