it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
