Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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