I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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