I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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