u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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