Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
