the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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