this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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