I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
