my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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