She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
