Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
