Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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