I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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