If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
