in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
