What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
