she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
