She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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