he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
