Only a mothe r could love this liver
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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