just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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