that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
