if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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