Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
