today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
