i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So many bounce houses so little time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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