just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
