your thong is hanging out like whoa
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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