I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
