I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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