Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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