actually, I'm a sock model
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
